i can’t think. i can’t breathe. i think that everything is losing it’s meaning again. i see you in my dreams and i hold you close. idealized, your hand in mine. you’re right, i care too much about little things and pleasantries. interactions that went just slightly differently than i thought that they would. i took your books and read them, and softly burned my brainstem. the choir in my head sang "da da da da da da da da da." hey hazel eyes, my state of mind, it grows more starved all the time, but this time i realize i died. shroud my soul with paper shields. it’s not enough to disappear those things that i say wrong, but it seems you’d stick around if i got put into the ground with everyone that i killed in my brain. wondering if you can see me suffering. that’s not a self i’ve killed and cleared, it’s guarded close by paper shields that don’t do much but fake it like they help hold up my favorite face. i crushed this dream, i crushed this dream, i crushed this dream and then i blew it away, blew it away, blew it away, blew it away. marie, marie, marie, marie, marie, marie, marie, marie. back into my home brain. know pain. home brain, laugh at my face. i need your faith manifested in my arms. we’ll torch these cars and run away to live in spain, and i will live again. anything you want to give i know that i’ll just take it in, and maybe then i’ll stop and think. tonight, i’ll write in pale moonlight the tale of how you changed.